Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
