Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
