omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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