I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
