did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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