Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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