i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
