She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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