no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
