Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize