What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
