I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
