Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
