He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
