Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
