Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
