Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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