dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
