someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
