I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
