You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
