I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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