ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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