I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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