i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
