I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
