I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
