Yo dont text me then not text me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Randomize
