you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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