"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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