You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
