yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
