She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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