Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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