His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so let's talk penis.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
