I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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