He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
