Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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