I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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