I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
