you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
