false alarm. still invincible.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
