you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize