He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
