I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
