I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
