Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
false alarm, still single
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
