She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I can't turn off my feet"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
