He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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