happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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