i don't like sucking hair
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
