Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
me + whiskey = a bad person
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
