I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
