took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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