The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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