If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
