Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
