Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
