i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
