some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
