May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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