i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
