Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
