u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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