before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
