At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
