it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
