maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
