did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
